Greetings. Arrived in Amsterdam after surviving the ludicrous luxury of the Dubai business lounge, where I was forced to try all 8 of the spiffy cakes, half at a time, and liquided with Moet.
Now about to board the boat for an 8 day Rhine cruise with the beloved. We have grey hairs now so are allowed to do such things.
Before leaving Amsterdam, we visited a far outski futuristic art museum called the FABRIQUE DE LUMIERE. In a gigantic hangar like space with all walls screens, reaching 70m high, they project famous artworks and tinker with them to be slightly alive and let you see into them, let you be in them. With Van Gough and Vermeer especially featured, with bold music, it was all too much. See the little video for an idea…
And for comic relief thare was a huge exhibit of the amazingness of the GIRL WITH A PEARL EARRING, one of the most beautiful female humans ever immortalisd on canvas, with hundreds of copycat versions, from Marge Simpson to bearded sailors. See a few versions below – can you guuess which is original ?
The museum invites humans to present their own versions, and I thunk I should stand up for the six legs with this rugh try….
And then the ship started its slow voyage along the giant canals of Netherland, and entered the Rhine through 2 monster locks. Apart from the whitefella magic of ships being able to climb, the tight fit is really groovy. A 20cm leeway from the hard concrete walls when two river boats come in – the other boat is a replica of ours. The captain has a special wheelhouse on the side of the ship where he plays with the 20 cm of fun.
And snooz and nightime later it was time for the full moon on the Rine and a gentle pastel sunrise in the mist.
This is all very well, but it was time to stop at Cologne and visit MOTORWORLD, where herds of silly supercars huddle together, and above them is the Schumacher museum, with all the cars he drove from a go cart to Ferrari F1 cars.
This mighty monster of horses and speed is all cute enough, and nice to see in the flesh away from a tv screen, but look deeper beyond it at the other Ferrari red blob…..
In the year 2000, Schumacher won the F1 championship driving a Ferrari for the first time, and made the team verrry happy happy joy joy. Mr Ferrarri found an old extinct real Fiat 500 bambino car and had it restored to perfection and painted in Ferrari red, as a present for the boy. He apparently raced it around their track, though no time was recorded. And only one more vroom vroom picture, and that is of the work of art Ferrarri V10 engine, with the amaaaazing poetic fluid-like extractor exhaust system.
And suddenly its day 5 of the 7 days, and sadness at impending end of the most luxurious , off the scale everything provided, habitat I have ever experienced. No holds barred. By day 3 breakfasts included a lovely prosecco, and by end of each day many other gentle posh grogs contributed to a sense of wellbeing (the real kind, not the silly spa, gym, yoga kind, that this word has been sadly appropriated by)
..and while full of the sense of wellbeing there are fun surprises to traverse on board – like the longest hotel room corridor in the world, whereupon our cabin was last. See the minute 2 pixel dark spec at the end, that is me waving.
On and on down the Rhine, through the valley of endless castles on each ridge, and also the rocky narrows, where a famous siren, called Loreley used her yum yum body and song, to distract sailors to their doom on the clifs. So children,avert thine eyes while I show you her dangerous visage…
and as the river expanded again at sunset, these duck dudes looked rather fetching
Today more castles and cutsi medieval towns, the village of Cochum had a storybook experience. See the tiny ‘house’, as part of the amaaaazing castle here, with a well outside that is 300m deep. Someone had to dig that deep in a narrow hole…
Inside the castle live many suits of armour, most made for the small humans that lived before a Maccas diet, but among them was also one made for a giant – note how the little dude is slowly, nervously edging away. And next to it is a piggy gargantuanski, whereupon the whole animal would be easily the size of a bull. All those old stories about hunting killer piggies are quite true.
….and someone please explain this drug fuelled sculpture floating in one of the castle rooms…
This area is wall to wall grapes. Planted on the steep slopes of the Moselle river, at up 65 degrees, close enough to vertical. 90% are white ones for Riesling, and the red ones are for Pinot Noir. Every village has several brands, hundreds of the little devils, and if you somehow get caught out without many bottles after closing time, these vintage villages have slot machines for fulllsize bottles, at nice prices.
And before we leave these cutsi towns and villages, it is important to remind ourselves why they really exist – for the bakeries
And not to waste our time here, we went to a demonstration of making the famous yum yum black forest cake, in the black forest of course. Note how the gal in the pics is blurred, as she worked with amazing speed and precision, with 5 layers of cake, a huge layer of sour cherries, and layers of cream provided by the 1.5 litre vat of double cream, then lets not forget the secret ingredient, the cherry liquer liberally sprinkled twice, and finally defltly shaved choc over the white creation. I am going to faint…
well from here it is all legally SCOTLAND…
it has taken days for the dust to settle, and to recover, from the industrial scale luxury of the cruise. It was not for the faint hearted, just ask my liver. Now in the calm yet grand scenery of the Highlands, with rain pitter pattering between other weathers, and I am in the coastal port town of Oban. A bit stuck, as the ferry to the Isle of Mull got damaged in a storm and a little one replaced it, along with my booking. So let me tell you a quaint factoid about this historic town with narrow one way cobbled streets and ancient buildings – high above is a monumantal folly. Yes one of those very british devices, a something someone builds that is not utilitarian but outlandishly silly and or grandiose. A banker, starting in 1897, used his large sums of spare cash to give the local stone masons employment in the winters, to erect an almost full scale replica of the Colliseum ! Its granite splendour, called McCaig’s Folly, sits on top of a hill and is alas unfinished, but then the real one is not exactly ‘finished’ either any more.
Off to join another ferry que, wish me luck…
Two days later, yes on the Isle of Mull, with rain being the main weather pattern, making the neverending mossy landscapes, very happy indeed.
I call these trees upside down trees, with their pentadactyl mossy hands grabbing onto the soil for support. And in keeping with quaint, here are the two most photographed boats on Mull, sadly quite dead but ever so picturesque. A local biddy walking past told me she found someone with a camera here every day. Tourist tragics like myself.
Scotland is famous for horizontal rain. They got much precipitation and much wind. Great for making electricity from wind farms, and for looking cooky. See short vid…
First non rainy day was not exactly Carribean sun, but luverly moody low cloud fog stuff.
And then there is the always cute single lane roadlet on the way south, hugging the mountain in luvely blind bends, and asking for respect
The fog today just keeps on giving the moods. Next pic from the south of Mull
And there is just cutsi. The main town here, Tobermorry is one of those Scottish sea towns with every house its own colour. There are several like this, including on Skye, but here it is at its best.
and when not in pretty town, Mull has a pretty forest, the Aros forest, with all dingy gangly dark moody mossy bits with ever so much character..
and the next port of call is the beloved Isle of Skye. Low cloud and much weather is creating moods here too.
travelling here with the beloved, it was her birthday on the occasion of Guy Fawkes day here, a serious celebration by local giant bonfires and fireworks. Odd as the king he was gonna kill if his gunpowder thinggi worked, was a Scottish one. So in the cute village of Plocton they put up a 3 storey high pile of wooden stuff, soaked in accelerant, and in an amazing display, a firework was fired horizontally across the water and lit the big show. And of course it was combined with vertical fireworks for the beloved…
Let me tell you a tale most foul. If you gonna have a murderous feud, go no further for inspiration than the fun loving Scot clans. In 1577, the MaCleods of Dunvegan managed to murderate 395 MacDonald humans, by trapping them in a cave and firing the entrance to suffocate them. The thing about feuds, like the payback system in Papua, is that they gurantee that it never stops. So the MacDonalds waited till the MacLeods were at the Trumpan church, and barricated them in and burned them by firing the roof. One little girl escaped and got more MacLeods to come and join the revenge, whereupon they killed all the MacDonalds and left them in a ditch – this is the part of history I love – it has been named “the spoiling of the dyke”. Below the ruins of the probably haunted Trumpan church ( a creepy name on the day Trump got elected)
No trip to the Highlands is legal without seeing highlands cows. Hairdressers weep – no one does just-so hair like these nonchalant dudes
Road and other signs in this Scotland land are not quite like in Oz. They have fun loving safety picture signs, and my all time fav one, warning us about the decrepid undead.
The last evening on Skye saw a return to a clear sky, and the mountains got themselves fluffy blankies to keep warm in the crisp air.
One last detail caught my eye on the Isle of Skye, a phonebooth that was taken over by man eating triffids, awaiting a phone needy victim. Enter this booth at yout peril…
And then the sun came out and the Isle was left behind for a long drive to Mallaig, on the mainland overlooking the Isle of Skye and other fun isles with names like Rhum, Canna, and Eigg. On the way passed several viaducts made by those famous Scottish engineers.
and other moody sights making use of the low autumn sun.
Mallaig is a very nautical town, lots of fishing boats, a big ferry and even dry docks. One of the littler boats I found out, goes to a secret village accessible only by boat, deep in an otherwise fully humans-less pauninsula north of here. “Men go to the sea in boats” (womens too), and I had a grand day out. Following is, on the way, then the little community of Inverie, with its own hydro station and cute pub, and the return at susnset.
The next still sunny day was beach day. Mallaig area is festooned with clear water white sand beaches, very inviting but a tad cold. Long walks along them is very rewarding but, and one must always pass through the gem, the beach used in the film Local Hero, with other Isles on the horizon, Rhum and Eigg, and right of the pic would be Skye.:
Mine eye was drawn to the ocal seaweed, a big stiry here. At least 5 local species are edible, and others useful as feritliser in the potato and barley fields.
And note below the cute little feet of this one. They are called ‘holdfasts’ and use a super glue that might best Tarzans Grip. Note that the storm that brung it to the beach, did not dislodge one little foot, but the rock itself gave way instead.
Another day of proper Scottish fog. As it slowly lifts in the arvo, like cotton wool, a landscape of right proper Scotch pines along a small inland loch is revealed, and later in the full evening sun, a busy forest scene takes shape.
There are several specific places in my travels that involve a small island in a small loch, and it sporting a Scotch pine haircut. These little scenes remind us that before the mega ship building and industrial revolution times, the whole of the Highlands was covered in these forests of handsome trees, those before us being last remnants.
and as it was extreme low tide, one more very happy bright seaweed scene.
Next day long drive north, passing a very spacial place. Drumnadrochit village has not a cafe but a ‘tea house’ and the very nice baker lady therein makes the fully madly deeply best lamon marergi tarts on the planet. I kid you not, her place in heaven is guaranteed. The perfect textured egg whites sitting on top of a (finally) not sickly sweek lemon bits, and shod in perfectly textured bisquit base. Oooolala !
… and onto Ullapool, north of which the Highlands get even more narly and mountainous than even Skye. A night of the sounds of Mr Weather having fun, and then the discovery in the morning that Mr Snow came to play for the first day of the season. The ‘mild’ weather is over, and the highs for this week are 3 degrees. Yum.
Drove to the very north-west corner of Britain, the cute town of Durness, where the ocean has anger issues, and under the town is a huge sea cave, called Smoo.
Inside this monster cave is a deeper chamber where the local rivulet thunders in. Grand.
Next day – it seems mr snow was only having a small practice yesterday. Today was a splendiferous extravaganza for us snow starved aussies. A still day, 0 to 1 degree maximum, and lots of mr sun on the white stuff. All that just happened in one tiny little night. Even at sea level in the port town, with my car needing lots of time to desnow.
… and these lovely white dumps from the gods, making sure it does not all melt. So really it was time to drive verrrrry carefuly on slushy roads, and imbibe the details of this gift.
Yes they really are snow eating sheep, special breed. And the hills which normally camouflage the large number of deer in these parts, were dotted with their herds against the snow. One dude let me get pretty close to say hello to his handsome self
… and as the sun was departing, and the roads got nasty, it was time to drive through a subtle quiet snow fall. Another day, another Scottish gift.
next day after below zero night much slush was now ice. The one main road is maintained safe-ish, but yours truly of course neeeeded to see a place on a single lane road. The sun came out (though temp is zero) and lulled me into safe thoughts, with cute scenes like this artistic frozen loch…
and here are two things you do not normally see as you get out of bed – seaweed in snow, and a beach high tide mark of snow meets sea
…but soon mr snow decided to put on an angry face. That term used in poetry and such “under a leaden sky” came into focus – it really turned the colour of lead, and its only lunchtime
and soon I was in a blizzard of snow and sleet that instantly turned the track into an icy eeckiness. Much adrenalin and long 1st and 2nd gear driving eventually got me back to the main road.
careful what u wish for and all that, but back in safe Ullapool it was time just to enjoy the not angry, uber quiet white fluff.
There is a current, called the North Atlantic Current, which brings warm waters all the way up the west coast of Britain. It therefore causes ‘mild’ weather that often does not snow at sea level for many winters. So it being autumn still, Mr Snow is not just early, but very busy indeed. Being all too wigeltypigelty excited about this white fluff, I ventured forth today, “if you go down to the woods today …” style. There is a fabulous old forest south of here I visit every time, and normally see as a deep dark mossy playground, but today it was a white wonderland
Many decades ago I was surprised to find myself in a monkey puzzle forest in mountains in north Marocco, with snow falling on myself and the barbary apes therein. So it was a fun surprise to see a lone monkey puzzle tree with a coat of snow here.
Snow is amazing in the way it clings, glues itself to stuff, by being deposited in a such a fine and methodical way. These poor branches look fab, but are carrying a very big weight
and a last observation is about patterns, something my camer is always searching for. A snow symmetry. Soon after, the snow came back with a vengeance, and my slooow drive back was super adrenalin, without other cars to clear the white slippery stuff off before me. Eeeeeeep
It was time for the big drive, the long way round to Skye to stay on the main A roads that are snowlploghed more often. It meant two good things, another Drumnadrochit visit for the best lemon merangue on the planet, and a stop at the Fairy Forest. This little bit of magic normaly gets seen in peak autumn, see pic from a few years ago, and then as it is now, stark yet still magic.
and onto the most photographed castle in Scotland, Eilean Donan, which always looks different, with its backdrop of distant Skye, snow, and water bits
Much rain on Skye, took away the snow, and then finally a crisp still sunny winter day… The Old Man of Storr looked especially spiffy with a lake relfection
Looking for the details, as I does, I have two birdi stories for you. First, areas of ice on a small loch had some lazy eider ducks sitting on the ice rather than swimming about being busy
and then there are the nautical pigeons of Broadford. The local pigeons, which should really not be here at all, but be dutifully shitting on buildings in cities, have taken on the life of seagulls. They perch on high tide islets out at sea, and forage at low tide like sea birds do, and no doubt still hunt for chips like seagulls.
At the end of sunny witer days, which sunset before 4pm, there is often a tad of afterglow. The Sligahan pool, all cutely frozed over, had a subtle light, and the trout pond of infinite reflection, put on small show.
And last day in beloved Scotland arrives. Doing the housekeeping I found a thing from Isle of Mull days that I forgot to show – how much redder can a mr fungus get…
on the last drive there is always the shick and awe of the Glencoe valley landscape. But on this day I looked for a detail something for the beloved – Glencoe with a sprinkle of sheeps
and to end the jouurney, a small reminder of one of the towns on the Rhine cruise – as always I look at the details, and here be fun mouses on a rock on the river’s edge. Goodnight gentle readers.
SIX-LEGS-GOOD 